Mother’s Day 2018: Why Our Mothers’ Mental Health Should Matter to Us

When we think of motherly love, an old fable comes to mind where two women fight over an infant, each claiming it as her own. They were told to settle the debate by pulling the child in a twisted game of tug-of-war. Sensing that it would hurt the child, the birth mother conceded defeat, thinking it was better to lose than to harm the baby. It's a mother's natural tendency to protect her child under any circumstances. That explains why she always put your interests first, did your worrying for you, gave up her career to spend more time with you or worked overtime to put you in a good school.

“Mothers around the world are self-sacrificial, caring, kind and protective of their children. No matter what age the child, they are always ‘babies’ to their mothers. In fact, the term momma bear (who attacks anyone that threatens her offspring) applies to many,” says Dr. Era Dutta, Consultant Neuropsychiatrist and Therapist Mind Wellness & Fortis Healthcare. The operative word in any household is “mom”, according to her. “From ‘mom, where are my shoes?’ To ‘mom how do I do this?’ mothers are expected to have answers to everything,” says Dr. Dutta.

But all this self-sacrifice and love come at a very high price; being a mom is a tough business. She would never complain, but the constant demands of motherhood can take a toll on her health, especially her mind. Dr. Dutta reveals that mental health problems can be quite common in mothers. “So this Mother’s Day, let’s take a moment to know more about the various hardships she has been through or could go through,” says the psychiatrist as she lists some of the common psychological conditions that affect mothers.

Depression during Pregnancy

So much is said about pregnancy glow and the contentment of motherhood that people brush all the dark truths about it are swept under the rug. “The chances of depression during pregnancy are at an all-time high due to the sudden changing hormones, changing body structure and dietary deficiencies,” says Dr. Dutta. What should be done? “Mother’s to be, or pregnant women should take extra care to lead a happy, balanced lifestyle and focus on their diets,” she opines.

Postpartum Blues

Mothers are supposed to be elated at the birth of their children. But that’s just an unrealistic expectation the society expects women to shoulder. “The truth is that 70-80 percent mothers go through postpartum blues three to five days after delivery,” Dr. Dutta says. This is due to the overwhelming nature of childbirth, pain, the hormonal shift and sleep deprivation right after birth. The doctor says that husbands need to step up and help their wives ease into motherhood, without burdening them too much. “Be understanding and caring. Do not overwhelm the new mother with too much advice,” she says.

Postpartum Depression

“The more severe form of postpartum blues is postpartum depression,” says Dr. Dutta. While postpartum blues are transient, postpartum depression is more long-lasting. “It’s a fairly common condition, but often goes undiagnosed. There may be severe crying spells, suicidal ideations and a lack of care for the baby. In such cases, families should seek immediate help of the psychiatrist before it gets any worse,” she adds.

Postpartum Psychosis

There are stories of mothers turning violent and harming their children immediately after childbirth. In the US, the Andrea Yates case shocked the nation when a mother-of-five systematically drowned her children in a delirium. She was said to be suffering from postpartum psychosis. “It’s a condition caused by neurochemical changes in the brain and the mother loses touch with reality,” says Dr. Dutta. Instead of waiting around and hoping that she would “snap out of it,” a responsible family would immediately seek help from a mental health professional.

Empty Nest Syndrome

Her life has essentially revolved around her kids. So when the children leave the house for education or after getting married, mothers are hit by a sense of loneliness and a loss of purpose, which can be emotionally distressing. “When the young ones leave home to go to college, there is a sudden emptiness in the house and in the minds of the mothers. The ever-busy moms suddenly have very little to address to. Some feel lost, others may cope well,” Dr. Dutta points out. She says that a responsible child should understand their mother’s loneliness and figure out ways to give her purpose in life. Help her talk to her friends and encourage her to participate in group activities. “And if you feel your mother is lonely, be sure to call in and check in on her, like she did all these years,” says the doctor.

Menopause

There comes a time where all the period-related shenanigans of a woman’s life end, but it marks the beginning of another dreaded phase that causes a shift in hormones and chemicals in the body. “Many women suffer from physical and psychological symptoms of menopause. They battle it quietly,” says Dr. Dutta. The lack of support can be devastating for a woman who is left to deal with the problems of a changing body and deteriorating mental health. If your mother is also on the brink of menopause, here’s what you should do. “Talk to your gynaecologist about the various options. And see a psychiatrist if the mood fluctuations worsen,” advises Dr. Dutta.

As children, we must ensure our mother’s well-being, and her mental health plays a huge role in shaping her overall health. For someone who has done so much for you, it’s a travesty that she expects so little. Check up on her, ask her what she needs, visit her more often or at least call her once a day. So make every day a mother’s day.

(The above story first appeared on LatestLY on May 11, 2018 07:39 PM IST. For more news and updates on politics, world, sports, entertainment and lifestyle, log on to our website latestly.com).