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Madame Web Movie Review: I wonder why people at Sony would think that a blind character who is clairvoyant but is also bound to her wheelchair could lead her own solo movie. I mean, no one ever thought of making a Professor X solo film, and that dude was quite popular. Yes, I agree that in Madame Web the movie, the protagonist has both her legs and her eyes working, but still what is it about the character that made them think - 'this is going to make billions for us'? Especially after the box office tragedy called Morbius. Sigh, no one seemed to give any good thought to that question, and we now have another dud from very persistent but barely alive Sonyverse called Madame Web. Madame Web Review: Early Reactions Call Dakota Johnson–Sydney Sweeney’s Superhero Movie ‘Poorly Written and Sloppy’.
Madame Web is about Cassandra or Cassie Drew (Dakota Johnson), whose mother, as per that infamous line in the trailer (but deleted in the movie... boo!), was 'researching spiders in the Amazon before she died' in 1973 that too during childbirth. However, thanks to some Amazonian mumbo-jumbo, the baby survived, and 30 years later, Cassie is now an expert paramedic who holds a lifelong grudge against her dead mother and is also a cat woman. Yup.
Watch the Trailer of Madame Web:
The Spider-Family
Her best friend and co-worker is Ben Parker (Adam Scott); yes, you read the name right. Uncle Ben isn't 'uncle' yet, but soon will be as his sister-in-law Mary Parker (Emma Roberts) is pregnant. So what if Sony can't use Peter Parker in their movies thanks to this irritating contract with Marvel Studios? They can surely use the characters that didn't get the chance to appear in the MCU. I laughed at how Madame Web was trying hard to stop itself from referring to characters already in the MCU - like Peter or his Aunt May - and instead using dramatic pauses to expect us to fill in the gaps.
Like, there is a scene where Ben tells Cassie that he is seeing someone. When Cassie asks who she is, Ben doesn't reply but looks at her awkwardly, prompting Cassie to ask if it is serious. So what? Is there a rule that if you are serious with someone, you don't need to name her? Then why the hell did you bring up this topic if you don't want to discuss her in the first place, 'Uncle' Ben? BTW, now that your bestie is going to be a clairvoyant, I hope she prevents you from getting shot in the alley.
Making a Spider-Verse Without Spider-Man?
Oh, that's what going to happen in this Sonyverse. Perhaps, Peter Parker will never get his powers because there is Madame Web to make sure of that, and she will raise her own Spider-women gang instead.
And the only 'Spider-Man' in the universe would be this boring antagonist called Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), who dons a black suit and stalks teenagers, has wall-crawling abilities, but uses poison instead of the web. Also, he has no 'Spider tingle', a Pepsi billboard makes sure of that.
The Babysitter's Club
Which brings me back to the plot. So during a rescue event, Cassie gets nearly drowned and is saved by Ben. But in that near-death moment, something unlocks within her, and she can see flashes of the imminent future that she can't control and explain. After she fails to stop a death from happening, Cassie goes into her shell, but she is soon driven out of there when she realises that she can change the future if she wishes to.
This makes Cassie end up protecting and babysitting three unrelated teenagers: rebellious, rich brat Mattie (Celeste O'Connor), geeky Anya (Isabela Merced) and nerdy Julia (Sydney Sweeney). Those adjectives assigned to them are all you need to know about their characters. And yes, they all share parental abandonment issues too.
Not a Spider-Women Film
It turns out that in the future, these three become Spider-Women and end up killing Ezekiel, who keeps dreaming about this and, therefore, wants to kill them before that happens. So in case, you expected to see them in Spider-action in the film then you would be might disappointed, since those are left in flashes of a dream or a vision that hardly amounts to a couple of minutes. Sure, Madame Web ends with the promise of a sequel that foresees this possibility, but you don't need to be bitten by a spider in the Amazon forest to know that's not going to happen any time soon.
Worse Than Morbius? That's Something!
Madame Web is not just bad, it is boring. I mean, even Morbius, Sonyverse's previous Spidey spinoff, was stupid and bland, but there was the great Matt Smith, who realised the quality of the film he was stuck in and then took it upon himself to play to the gallery. Morbius Movie Review: Jared Leto’s Marvel Film is a Soul-Sucking Mess of Ideas That Will Leave You Bored.
No such damn luck here.
Dakota Johnson is a fine actress, and she isn't really bad here, trying her best to sell the dumb lines given to her ("Who flips at the ambulance? Jesus!") without giving a stinky eye to the camera. But that's not enough to back her up when the writing around her character is pretty stale, and like Cassie, we just don't know how exactly to root for her powers. I mean, we did have Nicolas Cage do similar shit in Knowing a few years back, didn't we? Also, what's with Johnson and her attraction to taking up kitschy movies occasionally? First, the Fifty Shades trilogy and now this!
When Sydney Sweeney signed this movie, she was fresh off the admiration she got for playing a troubled teenager in Euphoria. But by the time this film came out, she was a star in her own right and feels oddly out of place here. Not only does her character not have much to do, but she is also awkwardly miscast as this gawky teenager (no kind of spectacles can change that), though Celeste and Isabel fare better because they do look their parts.
What's more, the cast tries to concoct evidently forced chemistry because the screenplay wants them to do that. As for the villain, Tahar Rahim hardly gets any scope to be menacing enough in a role that features no drive or intent. The only actor who comes out somewhat intact is Adam Scott who brings a lovable 'Ben Wyatt' vibe to Ben Parker.
What a Wreck!
Unfortunately, they are all stuck in this car wreck of a film that has no redeeming factor, except that there is no dumb end-credit scene to push its luck hard about its future, like Vulture trying to team up with Morbius. The action scenes give you dizziness, what with the hyper-ventilating camerawork and chaotic editing, trying to trick you into not asking how that person reached from here to there. The CGI is nothing to crow about, and the combination of these factors ruins what is an even more lacklustre climax.
There is no sense of time and place dynamics. I mean, we see Cassie travelling from Manhattan to the jungle in Peru, where she learns of her past and returns to her city with no hint of how much time has passed. There are plenty of clumsily written scenes that fail to do little with the characters or the plot. Like, there is a scene where Cassie tries to teach the girls CPR (which, of course, comes in handy later), but just one lesson is enough for Mattie (who shows the least interest among the trio) to declare she is the best teacher Mattie ever had. Girl, you should attend more classes.
Studios, Wake Up and Smell the Web!
Look, I could go on and on, but I am pretty sure you got the point from the first paragraph itself. After the critical drubbing for The Marvels, which I was also disappointed with (but it's not as bad as this one, thanks to one Ms Kamala Khan), I was gaslit into thinking that perhaps we are being too cruel to female superhero movies. But after watching Madame Web, I can now say disagree with that thought.
It is not us but the studios who are cruel to these movies. With the rare exception of a Wonder Woman (a welcome reason why there is a slew of female superhero films), the reason most of them end up being duds is because the studios don't care enough to make them worth our time, and their lack of commitment is unjust to the actors involved too. But then, the superhero genre, as a whole, is going through a bad downslide, and Madame Web is just another casualty of the slump.
Final Thoughts on Madame Web
When you believed it couldn't deteriorate beyond Morbius, Sony Pictures declared, 'Hold my beer!' Madame Web falls prey to the studio's consistently declining trajectory in attempting to craft a Spider-Man universe devoid of Spider-Man himself. The movie is blandly directed, clumsily written, and frenetically edited, and showcases performances that are either passable or downright awkward to witness. In fact, I could say the most entertaining aspect of Madame Web is those pre-release cringeworthy funny interviews Ms Johnson is giving everywhere. Check those gems out, instead!
(The above story first appeared on LatestLY on Feb 16, 2024 01:10 PM IST. For more news and updates on politics, world, sports, entertainment and lifestyle, log on to our website latestly.com).
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